Chinese Relationships
One thing I really like about living in China was how much connected I have become to my Chinese roots. I am proud of being ethnic Chinese, which is why I get very unhappy and frustrated when I see some of the “weird” things happening in mainland China. It seems like the Cultural Revolution has wiped out so much of Chinese values, that it appears only the overseas Chinese still kept on to these same values we hold dear.
I found out, while living here, that many of the Chinese my age and younger have no idea of the relationship terms for Chinese relationships. To them, every aunt is a 阿姨, every uncle is a 叔叔 and every cousin is a 哥哥 or some other terms used only for the immediate family. I found out recently that the relationship terms came about only during the Spring and Autumn period of China’s history. In other words, the present generation has gone back on 3000 years of history.
I was little better, actually – I only figured out how everything works when I was in high school, because I questioned my maternal uncle 舅舅, the most learned member of my family. So, to keep for posterity, and to make sure my children and readers keep this part of Chinese culture, here it goes!
Everybody knows the common ones – father 爸爸 baba, mother 妈妈 mama, elder brother 哥哥gege, elder sister 姐姐 jiejie, younger brother 弟弟 didi and younger sister 妹妹 meimei. Then we begin to trace the elders from the paternal side – the paternal grandfather 爷爷 yeye or 祖父 zufuand the paternal grandmother 奶奶 nainai or 祖母 zumu. The elders from the maternal side – the maternal grandfather 公公 gonggong or 外公 waigong and the maternal grandmother 婆婆 popo or 外婆 waipo. Interestingly, 婆婆 is also the term of address (formally) for the married woman to her mother-in-law.
The men from the same generation as the father (from his line, obviously) are divided according to whether they are the father’s elder brother or younger – the elder uncle 伯伯 bobo and the younger uncle 叔叔 shushu. The sisters of the father are all 姑姑 gugu. The mother’s brothers and sisters are the 舅舅 jiujiu and 阿姨 ayi respectively.
The spouses of married uncles and aunts also have their relationship terms. The wife of 伯伯 is 伯母 bomu (adding a “mother” character to the term, but in some Chinese languages, like Min’nan, she actually has a term of its own – um), while the wife of 叔叔 is 婶婶 shenshen. The wife of 舅舅 is 舅妈 jiuma (again adding a “mother” character, but Min’nan again gives her a term of its own – ghim). The husbands of the those women of the parents’ generation are denoted by the 丈 zhang (man or husband) character added to the women’s title – 姑丈 and 姨丈.
Cousins are easy too. If the cousin comes from the paternal uncles, a 堂 tang is added, otherwise a 表 biao is added. Hence an elder sister from my father’s side is 堂姐 while a younger sister from my mother’s side is 表妹.
Things get somewhat trickier, though, when we start to go into the cousins of our parents. Still, a little rule of thumb will make things easier – the key is to remember that anybody belonging to the father’s line uses the father’s terms, and anybody belonging to the mother’s line uses the mother’s terms, from the perspective of the person using the term.
Hence, the mother’s paternal uncle’s son is 堂舅 because she would call him 堂哥, but the man is from her line (hence 舅). The mother’s maternal uncle’s son would be 表舅 because she would call him 表哥 but the man is from her line (hence 舅). All these are addresses I would use, not my parents, of course!
The father’s end is trickier because of the different terms used for the elder and younger males. The father’s paternal uncle’s son (who is older than the father) is 唐伯 because he could call him 堂哥 but the man is from his line (hence 伯). The father’s maternal uncle’s son (who is older than the father) is 表伯 because he would call him 表哥 but the man is from his line (hence 伯).
It is the same when it comes to female relatives – just watch out for how the parent would address him/her and then use the term according to the line (the father’s or mother’s).
The wife of an older brother is 嫂嫂 saosao (my brothers use 大嫂 eldest sister-in-law to address Kitten), while the wife of a younger brother is 弟妇 difu. The husband of an elder sister is 姐夫jiefu while the same of a younger sister is 妹夫 meifu. In the extremely male chauvinist Chinese society, the 嫂嫂 actually addresses (formally) the younger brothers and sisters of her husband as 小舅子 xiaojiuzi and 小姑 xiaogu respectively.
How about the brothers and sisters of the grandparents? A simple 公 or 婆 is added to the word one’s parent would normally use to address that person. The father’s elder paternal uncle would then be 伯公 while his maternal uncle would be 舅公 if his son needs to address them.
Those lucky enough to live through more than 3 generations get a 曾 zeng (which is my surname in Chinese, incidentally!) added to their titles when their great-grandchildren or -nephews/nieces addresses them. Hence my great-grandfather from my father’s line would have been 曾祖父 while my great-grandfather from my mother’s line would have been 曾公公.
Goodness, this has become a Chinese lesson in itself! And I, the one who failed his Chinese every year in high school, is delivering it! To end my post, I’d like to pose a question to my readers – how would you address the wife of your father’s maternal uncle’s son (who is younger than your father)?
I found out, while living here, that many of the Chinese my age and younger have no idea of the relationship terms for Chinese relationships. To them, every aunt is a 阿姨, every uncle is a 叔叔 and every cousin is a 哥哥 or some other terms used only for the immediate family. I found out recently that the relationship terms came about only during the Spring and Autumn period of China’s history. In other words, the present generation has gone back on 3000 years of history.
I was little better, actually – I only figured out how everything works when I was in high school, because I questioned my maternal uncle 舅舅, the most learned member of my family. So, to keep for posterity, and to make sure my children and readers keep this part of Chinese culture, here it goes!
Everybody knows the common ones – father 爸爸 baba, mother 妈妈 mama, elder brother 哥哥gege, elder sister 姐姐 jiejie, younger brother 弟弟 didi and younger sister 妹妹 meimei. Then we begin to trace the elders from the paternal side – the paternal grandfather 爷爷 yeye or 祖父 zufuand the paternal grandmother 奶奶 nainai or 祖母 zumu. The elders from the maternal side – the maternal grandfather 公公 gonggong or 外公 waigong and the maternal grandmother 婆婆 popo or 外婆 waipo. Interestingly, 婆婆 is also the term of address (formally) for the married woman to her mother-in-law.
The men from the same generation as the father (from his line, obviously) are divided according to whether they are the father’s elder brother or younger – the elder uncle 伯伯 bobo and the younger uncle 叔叔 shushu. The sisters of the father are all 姑姑 gugu. The mother’s brothers and sisters are the 舅舅 jiujiu and 阿姨 ayi respectively.
The spouses of married uncles and aunts also have their relationship terms. The wife of 伯伯 is 伯母 bomu (adding a “mother” character to the term, but in some Chinese languages, like Min’nan, she actually has a term of its own – um), while the wife of 叔叔 is 婶婶 shenshen. The wife of 舅舅 is 舅妈 jiuma (again adding a “mother” character, but Min’nan again gives her a term of its own – ghim). The husbands of the those women of the parents’ generation are denoted by the 丈 zhang (man or husband) character added to the women’s title – 姑丈 and 姨丈.
Cousins are easy too. If the cousin comes from the paternal uncles, a 堂 tang is added, otherwise a 表 biao is added. Hence an elder sister from my father’s side is 堂姐 while a younger sister from my mother’s side is 表妹.
Things get somewhat trickier, though, when we start to go into the cousins of our parents. Still, a little rule of thumb will make things easier – the key is to remember that anybody belonging to the father’s line uses the father’s terms, and anybody belonging to the mother’s line uses the mother’s terms, from the perspective of the person using the term.
Hence, the mother’s paternal uncle’s son is 堂舅 because she would call him 堂哥, but the man is from her line (hence 舅). The mother’s maternal uncle’s son would be 表舅 because she would call him 表哥 but the man is from her line (hence 舅). All these are addresses I would use, not my parents, of course!
The father’s end is trickier because of the different terms used for the elder and younger males. The father’s paternal uncle’s son (who is older than the father) is 唐伯 because he could call him 堂哥 but the man is from his line (hence 伯). The father’s maternal uncle’s son (who is older than the father) is 表伯 because he would call him 表哥 but the man is from his line (hence 伯).
It is the same when it comes to female relatives – just watch out for how the parent would address him/her and then use the term according to the line (the father’s or mother’s).
The wife of an older brother is 嫂嫂 saosao (my brothers use 大嫂 eldest sister-in-law to address Kitten), while the wife of a younger brother is 弟妇 difu. The husband of an elder sister is 姐夫jiefu while the same of a younger sister is 妹夫 meifu. In the extremely male chauvinist Chinese society, the 嫂嫂 actually addresses (formally) the younger brothers and sisters of her husband as 小舅子 xiaojiuzi and 小姑 xiaogu respectively.
How about the brothers and sisters of the grandparents? A simple 公 or 婆 is added to the word one’s parent would normally use to address that person. The father’s elder paternal uncle would then be 伯公 while his maternal uncle would be 舅公 if his son needs to address them.
Those lucky enough to live through more than 3 generations get a 曾 zeng (which is my surname in Chinese, incidentally!) added to their titles when their great-grandchildren or -nephews/nieces addresses them. Hence my great-grandfather from my father’s line would have been 曾祖父 while my great-grandfather from my mother’s line would have been 曾公公.
Goodness, this has become a Chinese lesson in itself! And I, the one who failed his Chinese every year in high school, is delivering it! To end my post, I’d like to pose a question to my readers – how would you address the wife of your father’s maternal uncle’s son (who is younger than your father)?
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